Just Call Me The Egg Machine

Well, all those shots (and all that money) paid off.

Yesterday was our egg retrieval, and after a little more than a week of shots, hot flashes, weird dreams, astronomical estrogen levels, and what felt like bowling ball-sized ovaries — they (well, we) ended up with 21 eggs.

Go ahead, and be impressed.

My surgery was one of the first on the schedule for the day, and the surgical center is more than an hour away from our house — so we got at up 4am to get there for our appointment. The night before I went to bed at 8:30, which I’m fairly certain hasn’t happened since the 80′s. If you ask my mother she will tell you that it has never, ever happened — but she’s a known liar, so just ignore her.

I’ll spare you the details of how exactly they get the eggs. Go ahead and google it, if you’re really curious — and then you’ll really be impressed by me.

Thank god for my husband — he’s an excellent caregiver, who also had to get up at 4am and did not get to take any naps. I’m also super thankful for my collection of heating pads, and simultaneously grateful for air conditioning and ceiling fans (because heating pads and hot flashes do not mix well).

Now we just have to wait and see how many of the 21 are fertilized and growing, and wait for our embryo transfer in a few days.

So keep your fingers crossed, and feel free to bring me snacks, because I’m sore and laying on the sofa, and it hurts to get up and feed myself.

That Just Happened.

I’m about mid-way through our first round of IVF, and am surprisingly less emotional than I was expecting I would be.

That’s not to say I’m not periodically a raving lunatic. The first few days of injections resulted in hot flashes, random outbursts of sobbing, and the occasional bout of rage.

Like the other night when I made some pizza for dinner. The crust wasn’t rolling out like it should, which resulted in me beating it with a rolling pin. I just told my mom that story, and clearly she expects the worst from me.

Me: I ended up beating it with a rolling pin.
Mom: OH MY GOD, you hit him with a rolling pin?!
Me: What? Yes, with a rolling pin.
Mom: Was he hurt?
Me: What are you talking about? I hit the pizza with a rolling pin.
Mom: Ooohhh, I thought you beat Mike.

No, I didn’t. It’s not that bad.

But (shield your eyes, gentlemen) my ovaries are growing exponentially. Like, I can feel them. Constantly. Bending over is sort of out of the question.

Oh, and I just found out one of the drugs I’m taking? Is made from the urine of post menopausal women.

That’s… interesting. I decided to stop googling things after that.

1 Comment

by spiteorflight on May 20, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Babies, The Fam

Tagged fertility treatment, infertility, IVF, making babies

Posted by spiteorflight on May 20, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/05/20/that-just-happened-2/

Four Years

Four years ago (OK, four years and a day) I went on my first date with a super cute man with a beard and a stinky car.

I broke rule #1 of internet dating, and let him pick me up at my house — I’d give you some spiel about how we lived nearby, and were saving the environment, but I’d be lying. I was just lazy, and a rule breaker. He took me to dinner, where we randomly ran into his best friend’s parents (who I imagine called his parents as soon as they got home to tell them about the beautiful and polite girl Mike just introduced them to).

Like three weeks later, I basically lived with him — mostly because I really liked him, but also because he had central air, and I didn’t.

Then he took me on vacation with his entire family, I moved in for real, we got a puppy and he proposed (first with paper, then the real deal). All in about five months.

Between me and the dog, we’ve broken two pairs of his glasses. We were part of a giant caterpillar for Halloween, and people regularly confuse my husband and my BFF.

We shaved all his hair off once, and only once, because it turns out his head is lumpy (in a cute way).

I’ve made him several meat-themed birthday cakes, including a t-bone and a hamburger. There was an attempt at a taco, but that didn’t really work…

Since then, we planned the best wedding ever, I got stitches for the first time (thanks, wedding invitations!), we got married in the middle of a blizzard, we bought a new house, and expanded our furry family to two puppies.

He has survived living with me while I’m taking fertility drugs, and is more than willing to inject things into my butt (wait… what? you know what I mean), because we both know it’s worth it, and our babies will be freaking adorable.

1 Comment

by spiteorflight on May 17, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Babies, Husbang, Puppies, The Fam

Tagged anniversary, birthday cakes, blizzard, family, fertility drugs, furry family, husbang, jamaica, travel, two puppies, vacation, weddings

Posted by spiteorflight on May 17, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/four-years/

Making Babie$

That right there?

That’s about two weeks worth of IVF drugs.

It’s also equivalent to our entire health insurance deductible.

And despite there being a few bottles of what look like pills thrown in for good measure, 90% of what you see there is allllll needles.

Thankfully, I was cured of my decades-long fear of needles about six months ago, when I got to start regularly giving myself shots. But those were the easy take-off-the-wrapping-and-shoot kind, I just had to open, shoot, and throw away. But some of these new badboys are a little more complicated than that.

Some you have to mix yourself, and then inject a precise amount, even though they give you more than you need.

Some have to be refrigerated and some don’t. Some you reuse until it’s gone, and some you use and then throw away the extras.

Some you take at night, and some you take in the morning. And one you take at night, the first time, but then in the morning every other time.

Some you take on certain days, but not until someone calls you and tells you it’s ok to take it.

And one has to be taken exactly 36 hours before the egg retrieval — so if they’re busy that day, and you’re scheduled for a 3 p.m. surgery, you have to wake up and take it at 3 a.m. a day and a half before.

Most of them I get to give to myself in my flabby (read: virtually painless!) stomach, but others Mike has to give me.

Why? Because they have to be in a muscle.

In my butt.

Which is why we got to go to an Injection Class yesterday — where I was (naturally) teacher’s pet, since I’ve already been giving myself shots, and Mike was clearly the most skilled of all the husbands/partners. The nurse even offered to draw a circle on my butt when the time comes so Mike knows where to aim. I’m sure we’d be ok without it — but of course I’m going to let her, because who wouldn’t want a nurse to draw a bullseye on their butt cheek? I know I do.

2 Comments

by spiteorflight on May 16, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Babies, Husbang

Tagged butt cheek, egg retrieval, fertility, fertility treatments, health, injections, IVF, IVF drugs, making babies, medicine

Posted by spiteorflight on May 16, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/making-babie/

Let Me Upgrade You

We’ve been toying with the idea of upgrading to a newer, fancier printer. The one I’ve been using for all my Etsy orders is nice, works well, and was expensive when Mike bought it — but it’s also 11 years old, a little temperamental, and uses a single large ink cartridge. The newer version we’ve been eyeing has individual CMYK cartridges, which will save me a ton of ink (and the environment!) in the long run.

Another bonus? Having Beyonce stuck in your head for four days.

We decided once we ran out of the old printer’s ink, we’d make the switch. That nicely coincided with an $80 rebate, a random printer error, and my busiest Etsy week in awhile.

So I ordered the new printer a few days ago, and Mike installed it for me last night — just in time to get five orders out the door this morning in time for Mother’s Day.

I’m in love.

It’s so big! It’s so quiet! It’s so fast! It’s everything you could ask for in a ~~man~~ printer.

And in case you’re in the mood for some pictures of adorable baby animals? Look what I saw at the post office this morning!

1 Comment

by spiteorflight on May 9, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Crafty Goodness, DIY, Etsy, Work?!

Tagged arts, Baby Animals, Epson, etsy, illustration, mother's day, New Printer, technology, Upgrades

Posted by spiteorflight on May 9, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/let-me-upgrade-you/

A Pitbull Sized Soapbox

Our dog Daisy is sweet, gentle, funny (yes, dogs can be funny), snuggly, and lovable. Just ask anyone who’s ever met her (and was then promptly licked excessively).

She also happens to be a pitbull.

Well, a pitbull-mix. Speculation about her other half includes whippets, greyhounds, or anything really fast and skinny.

Daisy’s biggest concerns during the day consist of:

“Is there a sunbeam available? I’ll lay in it.”
“Oh! You have a blanket! Move, please, I’d like to get under it with you.”
“Gah. Something wet touched me! Why did you buy a house with a pool?!”
“You made the bed?! Fools! I’ll just make a nest in all your pillows.”

So when I read about a new Maryland law designating “all dogs identified as ‘pit bulls and pit bull mixes’ inherently dangerous,” I was a little offended. According to this law, I’m liable for any damages my dog causes to any people, or other dogs…

Uhhh — yes? I’m pretty sure that should be the case for ANY dog owners though, regardless of their pet’s breed.

Pitbulls get a bad rap. Sure, a lot of them have been used as attack dogs, or bitten people (so has every other breed of dog). They’ve also been kept in cages, starved for extended periods of time, and forced to fight to the death. Try that with ANY dog, and you’ll get the same results.

As a matter of fact, do that to me, and see how friendly I am after a few weeks. Or, you know, read the Hunger Games — it’s the exact same thing.

Aggression is a learned behavior — I don’t care what breed of dog you have — if you neglect it, and beat it, and teach it to attack, you’ll end up with a vicious dog. The real problem are dog owners who turn innocent animals into violent ones.

Animal Shelters are already overrun with animals — pitbulls especially — and this law is certainly not going to make it any easier to find them homes, or keep other family-friendly pits with the people who love them.

So, if you care, do something about it, please.

6 Comments

by spiteorflight on May 3, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Puppies

Tagged animal shelters, animals, maryland legislation, pet adoption, pitbull mixes, pitbulls

Posted by spiteorflight on May 3, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/05/03/a-pitbull-sized-soapbox/

Wit & Wisdom

If you live in Baltimore (or really, anywhere in Maryland — trust me, it’s worth the drive) do yourself a favor and eat your next fancy/celebratory/you’ve-budgeted-for-it dinner at Wit & Wisdom at the Four Seasons in Harbor East.

We went last night with Mike’s parents and his Grandparents who are in town from Kansas, and are about to celebrate their 57th wedding anniversary.

The service was impecable, and the whole staff signed a Happy Anniversary card which was waiting at the table when we sat down.

Classy with a capital C, yes?

I’ll warn you now, I have zero pictures of my food and cocktails. This is because everything was so delicious, I didn’t have the self-control to stop shoveling things into my mouth to be bothered with using a camera.

I recommend you eat as much as possible, and try to include: Lobster Corndogs and Blue Crab Gratin ‘Imperial.’ Then some Hushpuppies (Honey Hot Sauce? What?! Get in my belly!) and their Mac & Cheese Casserole. My Rockfish was good too — but I really wanted to wrestle the plate of Braised Pork away from my father-in-law (but I didn’t since he was buying).

I spent the evening drinking “Charming Farmers” — I’m still not entirely sure what was in them, other than something about whipped egg whites and bourbon? I think? I know a Bay Leaf was involved. It really doesn’t matter — just order one, and thank me later.

Finish everything off with the Baltimore Bar (which I can’t accurately describe — basically I wanted to eat it AND marry it).

Trust me. Just eat it.

I don’t care if you’re full. Do it anyway.

1 Comment

by spiteorflight on April 29, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in In The Kitchen, The Fam

Tagged baltimore, Baltimore Bar, fancy-schmancy, fine dining, Four Seasons, Harbor East, Michael Mina, Wit and Wisdom

Posted by spiteorflight on April 29, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/wit-wisdom/

Almond Flour Pizza Crust

If you’re avoiding wheat, grains, gluten, carbs, or all of the above and you love pizza like I do, this is a really tasty alternative to wheat-based crust. It’s also really easy to throw together — I’ve been making it once a week. It could easily be adapted to be more paleo-friendly (I love cheese), vegetarian, dairy-free, etc. But if you’re allergic to nuts, sorry, Charlie.

Yes, I’ve tried making pizza crust out of cauliflower. This is much better.*

You’ll Need:
2 cups Almond Meal/Flour
2 eggs, beaten
2 teaspoons Olive Oil
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon ground oregano
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Pizza toppings

Preheat oven to 350. Combine all the ingredients (except for the toppings) and mix together. If the dough seems too wet, you can add a little more cheese or almond flour.

Turn on something you can dance to. It helps with the mixing.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and put the dough in the center. Top with a second sheet of parchment paper and roll out to your preferred thickness. {This dough is super sticky, so don’t forget the parchment paper!} We like our pizza with a thin crust so I roll mine out to about 1/4 inch thick. It’s unlikely you’ll end up with a proper pizza shape — ours is different every time. But it tastes good, so stop complaining!

Bake the crust at 350 for 12-15 minutes until the edges are golden brown. Take a picture of a cute little dog while you’re waiting.

Top with your favorite pizza toppings. I start with a store-bought sauce, and add pepperoni, sausage crumbles and mozzarella cheese. You can finish everything in the oven, or put it under the broiler until the top is melty.

Cool slightly, cut (fight off your spouse/roommate/children with a spatula, because it’s hot, and they will try to eat it immediately since it smells like heaven) and serve.

*The cauliflower pizza was tasty — but it was definitely fork and knife pizza. We like this a lot more, because 1) I think it tastes more like the real thing, and 2) you can actually pick it up and eat it like you would regular pizza. Also, I sort of hate cauliflower.

6 Comments

by spiteorflight on April 24, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in In The Kitchen, Losing It

Tagged almond flour, dairy-free, dinner, gluten free, low carb, paleo pizza crust, pizza, recipes, vegan, vegetarian, Wheat belly, wheat free

Posted by spiteorflight on April 24, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/almond-flour-pizza-crust/

Roughing It

I spent the last weekend roughing it.

Well, roughing it for me.

Somewhere in the Pennsylvania mountains, three ladies ate a lot of cheeseballs, drank entirely too much wine, and engaged in a little healthy board game competition.

I slept in a cabin (with electricity, a dvd player, and running water). I walked and played in the woods. I ate at a roadside diner. I slept in a twin bed.

I made the mistake of teaching my most competitive friend how to play dominos, and she promptly destroyed me.

I almost twisted my ankle running away from a bee.

At least, I think it was a bee. Whatever it was, it wanted to attack my face, and my instinct to flee took over.

It was the closest I’ve come to camping in easily 15 years. And I actually enjoyed myself.

Next time though, we need a bigger bag of cheeseballs. They were gone way too quickly.

5 Comments

by spiteorflight on April 23, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Entertainment, Irrational Fears, Nature

Tagged cabins in the woods, Camping, dominos, girls weekend, nature, wine

Posted by spiteorflight on April 23, 2012

http://spiteorflight.wordpress.com/2012/04/23/roughing-it/

Alternates

Last month I told you about my list.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that narrowing that list down to five was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There was a lot of revising, scratching out, moving around. And I still don’t think it’s 100%.

It also resulted in my side of the desk being littered with names and lists, prompting Mike to come home and awkwardly ask, “Uhhh, why do you have lists of men’s names everywhere?”

So here are most of the alternates…

Gentlemen — feel free to avert your eyes — unless you’re into this sort of thing, which I know a few of you are (hey girl, haaay!)

If I Had a Time Machine